- Written by Vibha Bharaddwaj
My motivation to write this article was that man whom I found chasing me from a distance, on a Sunday noon.
I was shocked and startled at the same time.
I thought of all those Karate lessons that I had missed…..How I wish I had learnt some form of self-defence tactics …it would have certainly helped me on this day.
I was alone and not too far from the marketplace. My strategy was quickly merge with the crowd.
So thinking I increased my pace but my ligament injury prevented me from doing so.
Well, he was indeed fast, as his athletic personality helped him surpass me sooner than I thought.
I came to halt, tightly holding on to my bag that had my precious Apple devices.
This man was perspiring profusely, because of that chase obviously.
Wiping his face with a kerchief, he said “Madam, I have been waving at you for so long to stop. I just wanted to personally thank you for the favour you did 5 years ago. You made my life as well as business, since I followed your advice I have created a multi-million dollar business for myself. I have a mid size company with over 50 employees and growing..”
I vaguely remembered his face. I was more shocked than he was.
Firstly, that I had advised him and secondly that it had worked!
Anyways, I congratulated him and rushed to the nearest available cab.
During the journey back to my office, that man’s words started to actually sink.
I shared it with my team and they insisted that I share with a wider audience.
So here is one such attempt.
I hope it helps you in a similar manner it helped that person.
Lesson #1 :Drop If then else condition
In simple terms, do not have if then else clauses in your life…
For example: Some of us tell this to ourselves
“If I get a handsome six foot tall guy with a dimpled cheek having a 6 pack then I will be the happiest person on earth.”
Believe me you will never find one and If you ever find, they may not like you …in all probability. As they will expect you to be J Lo and there is only one J Lo and she is amazing!
Somehow the Law of attraction also may not support you here.
With this deep set If then else condition you are actually announcing the whole world that I will not be happy unless I achieve this specific outcome. Drop that. Now!
Lesson #2: “I Too Want That” Syndrome
Stop that “I too want that” else what will they think of me syndrome.
It took me a good 20 years to get over this!!!
What do I mean by that.
One of my cousins is big time into self branding….she will pay that extra 1000 bucks to get that hair colour done at that particular salon, even though she has much inexpensive options to try.
Upon asking, She would justify by saying that if she is seen getting that service done at that salon her image will be high.
To keep up with that I too had to go to that salon though it was really hard on the pocket.
Not just the salon, even the restaurants., the departmental stores etc.
Is there an end to it? Why do you need to do? How does it matter where you get your pedicure done? Sometimes it is just not the quality of service it is actually to be included in that circle of people, who will accept you if and only if you are seen to be doing that.
It made me lose a lot of money, caused me a lot of grief till I realised it was not worth it.
I learnt a lesson that impressing someone to stay close to them was just not worth this effort
Lesson #3 The habit of approval seeking
We women (especially, me included) are approval seeking creatures. I have interviewed over 137 women and they agree totally.
If you come from Indian culture, you can totally resonate with this.
First, it is parents, then older brothers and then husbands, sons and so on….
What does this do to us? We lose confidence in our decision making capability. It is always, let me ask brother/father/husband/boyfriend and only if they say yes, I will take this step. Little do we realise that those so called brother/father figures are clueless sometimes and may have a partial view of the whole thing and hence may not be offering their best….Isn’t it risky then to base your decisions on someone’s half-baked knowledge.
If risk is something that you need to be taking then go ahead and take it. Stop being such a Approval seeking creature please!!!!
Lesson #4- Permit yourself to make mistakes.
I think it is somewhat related to my previous point but please hear me out fully. There is more to it.
I learnt this when I was doing my course curriculum with Landmark. Among the various things that I learnt, I also learnt that I am not very forgiving when it comes to myself.
I come too hard at myself whenever I miss a sales target, or fail to achieve something that I have not been able to.
And this is where I like authors, those who have written books as I feel that they have been bold to not only make mistakes but also to share with the world what they have done, what they learnt and how can others benefit from it and not commit the same mistake and rather commit some other bigger mistake (basically up the game).
Lesson #5- Feeling of Regret or Remorse (such as No one will miss me….. I did not make any difference.)
This one I totally owe it to my Mom who in her late 70’s is often seen repeating that “World won’t miss her much as she is not leaving any invention/discovery/etc… that solved any problem for people ….hence they may not remember much ….and that she will be easily forgotten.
That made me wonder that my forty years of life have just gone past and I haven’t done much other than a few blogs to my credit with few loyal readers.
So what is the best way to be remembered?
The best way, as I learnt from one of my coaches, is to try solving a problem for someone.
And that’s how I started my startup which offers sales and marketing services. Read my bio and I have explained in brief. I am glad that I offer sales services and help entrepreneurs generate revenues for their business. But then I may not be able to solve everyone’s problem. And thats ok at least I have done for a few.
And the second best way to solve problems is by documenting what you solved. Documenting life experiences as there are a lot of lessons out there.
Lesson #6 – Watch out! Whom are you hanging out with?
This is a big one and as my grandpa would time and again advise me as to be weary of the company you keep because your thoughts and actions will be influenced by those.
And it is so true. In retrospect, if I see, life would have certainly turned out different if I had kept a different company. In school, some of my friends preferred bunking classes and I did the same as I felt that was super cool.
Though it was a stupid thing to do.
Lesson #7- Do not shy away from hard work.
Do not shy away from hard work. Be mentally prepared to put in that effort required for that craft of yours.
You have got to pour that sweat and blood if required to succeed. There are no shortcuts to success. All those people who have been successful ….will 100% agree to that.
Whether you are a content creator, or an app developer or a Sales professional trying to close a deal, there is lot of effort involved.
Be open and willing to put in long hours.
Understand this “Focus” and “Clarity” are the key driving factors. Clarity on what needs to be done and Focus to do that without being distracted.
To be successful you need to build a skill (or multiples of it if required) and you need to apply that skill. This is put in simple words. Building a skill is also called developing an expertise. Hence the reason, we are asked more often during interviews what is your expertise? What are your skills that can be put to good use by the organisation trying to hire you?
I call this a “Craft” because there is an element of passion too. Work on your craft, so that you are recognized by your craft and then you will not need any referral anymore as your craft will speak for yourself.
Lesson #8 – Gratitude to my teacher….my Startup…
Yes that’s right. It is very cool these days to use the term Startup, Entrepreneurship etc.. but for me it has been a very humbling experience.
Reason being, I get to serve Entrepreneurs, as they are my target audience. It is not just that.
I also get to play multiple roles in my own organisation. Having worked in various multinationals , I was so used to having so many people to help me – the HR, Finance team etc. But then with my startup I had to take on those roles before I outsourced them to other agencies who were more than happy to take on that. I am still called to take decisions though.
As I am the founder, I kind of like it. And that I like the most is the kind of lessons I get to learn.
When I interview candidates, I get to learn how they perceive working for a startup, reasons they want to join or not join and why so. It is amazing to meet so many people and understand their thought process.
Lesson #9 – Align your actions with your Values.
Have you worked on your Value System? If not, then this is the right time to do that.
It is very essential that you are aligned with your values.
And no other than Dr.DeMartini, can teach that better. I have him to thank for as I got clarity on my Values.
Serving is one of my top 3 values, second being health and the rest.
This value of “Serving” is for my family, my clients and myself too.
Serving myself – by keeping myself healthy, Serving my parents – as I am always there when they need me…and Serving my clients through my startup.
These value systems help me like a compass, whenever I feel perturbed. Someone makes a remark about having not made enough money, or not generated enough revenues, these Values are the guiding factors as I know that I am aligned with them and that I will not be deterred unnecessarily.
I am glad I get to serve my clients through the services my startup offers.
It involves following up with my clients multiple times. And I just don’t mind doing that.
My Ego doesn’t hurt as my startup is all about helping entrepreneurs.
I recommend this exercise of finding top 10 values to everyone who is looking to accomplish large goals in their life. It will help you align better with your goals and take consistent actions towards achieving them.
Thank you for being patient in reading these 9 lessons.
Which one do you resonate the most with?
Leave your comments as I would love to know.